- I will take this to the grave.
- If my wife knew who I was... she would not want me.
- If she knew I was a cock sucking faggot... she would divorce me and find another man who wasn't like me.
- She deserves better than me
- She deserves a straight man who can love her better.
- I'ts not possible for me to show her the affection she deserves.
- I dont care if I die... I'm just a faggot, queer, homosexual and the world needs less of them.
- There is something wrong with me
- I hate myself for being attracted to men
- My family will never talk to me again
- My friends will not want to be my friend any more
- People will be rude to me because I told them Im gay
- My career will suffer
That was less than 6 months ago and THEY WERE ALL LIES! Since then, I've told my wife, family, friends and started a very public blog about my experience (HelpImGay.com). Today... I've never been happier.
After coming out, these are the truths I've discovered:
- THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME
- People don't care I'm gay (and if they do... I don't give a crap)
- Being attracted to men is who I am and there is nothing wrong with that
- My wife loves me not matter what
- I can show her the affection she needs to feel like a valued woman
- When it come to marriage, love and showing her a 'good time'.... I'm the man for the job
- My friends and family respect me because 'coming out' takes balls
- I can be sexually pleased in other ways that don't involve having sex with men
- My marriage is DRASTICALLY stronger because we don't have secrets anymore
- Being open about who I am helped get rid of the shame.
Telling your wife you are LGBT doesn't change who you are. You are still the same person 5 minutes AFTER telling her that you were 5 minutes BEFORE you told her. It could take her some time to realize that, but its true.
I KNOW THIS IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE! I will be the first to tell you that disclosing to your wife you are attracted to men (have had sex with men, are addicted to porn, or have a boyfriend) is not easy to do. BUT, after doing it you will be able to confront the issues that bringing you shame and making you feel like crap.
I would make the disclosure during a therapy session so the therapist can offer support to your wife. She might have a whirlwind of emotions or... she might say, "I've known for years." Either way, professional help could be welcome.
Now, the answer your question... "Is coming out the answer?" Only YOU know the answer. For me, It wasn't easy but it was worth it. I wanted to be accepted for the 'real me' but I was scared. I think most "Out Men" know this feeling. It might SUCK at first but it is soooo worth it.
If I can be any help to a gay married man in my situation, I would invite you to contact me via the 'Ask Me a Question' form. I'm here to help. I've been where you are.