Deep thoughts by Cody...
I talked to a friend last night who is struggling. He's chin deep in the s*&% of figuring his stuff out. I think back to my last 4 years and how unbelievably hard they were. I NEVER want to go through that again. But, I wouldn't trade the growth/strength they've given me FOR THE WORLD!
For those still trying to 'figure it out'... You got this! Keep your s*** together, don't give up and be patient. I promise that the man YOU are destined to become is on top of the next mountain and waiting for you to arrive. Ultimately, you have to make this journey alone but there are many who will cheer you on. I don't think there is any other way.
I was just thinking about this the other day. Some point fingers at others because they need help that exercise, social interaction, and positive self-talk CAN NOT provide.
I'm not hating on 'finger-pointers' because I was a finger-pointer until I was humbled. Humbled because I could not exercise, socialize or possitive self-talk enough to pull myself out the darkness I felt. It was horrible.
Don't feel shame. Take your meds. Take them until you don't need them anymore. And if you need them in the future... Take them then too.
My sister posted this quote on my Facebook page and it's become my new favorite. After a little Google research I think it's by Ijeoma Umebinyuo. Although, I'm not entirely sure.
You are often paralyzed by fear of the unknown. Sometimes you feel out of control and you don't know what to do or how to do it. I believe the key to progress is to "Just... start." And as you "Just... start," the answers come little-by-little. Be patient and with time answers will unfold and you will know what to do.
It's been 3 weeks since I tied the knot with my best friend. The journey we have experienced over the last two years has been filled with ups... downs... and everything in between. Heartbreak, depression, confusion and deception have transitioned into hope, love and happiness.
On October 21st 2017 standing on the driving range of Quail Hollow Golf Course and overlooking Treasure Valley Idaho we exchanged vows and kissed behind the cloak of JP's black cowboy hat. His hat was not used to hide our shame. Rather, it was used to build bridges between us and our supportive sphere of influence new to homosexuality.
I wish we would have recorded the audio of the ceremony because the video didn't pick up our words. I talked about how as a child I would pick through dirt looking for the perfect rock. Once I found my perfect rock I would treasure it, take care of it and keep it in a safe place. JP is the special rock of my life. I've found the best one and now I want to keep him all to myself.
JP recited the lyrics of a popular country song referring to the first time we met and he thought, "you look like my next mistake." The audience giggled and then he got serious and told me how much he cared for me.
After the ceremony we had dinner in the club house. It was everything JP and I ever wanted in a celebration. We ignored traditional wedding fluff we didn't wan't (like cardboard tasting wedding cake) and replaced them with what we actually wanted (like Costco Apple Pie).
Our diverse group of guests mingled like champions. We had Mormons, small town ranchers, city slickers, gays, straight folks, children and grandparents... all supporting us. Some chose to drink alcohol while others stuck to water. There were no judgments, discrimination or misbehavior. Just love, happiness and coexistence.
Several people approached us after the wedding to let us know how peaceful the event was. One man in particular said that the wedding gave him hope that his families might be able to accept his future wedding as our family did for ours. He was amazed at the ability of the group, despite backgrounds and differences, to join together for one cause.
Since the wedding several people have asked us if we are getting settled into married life and if anything is different. Despite the fact that we lived together for several months before we married, we both agree that YES... things are different. Our love has grown. The way we speak to each other has softened. We are less concerned with the small shit that doesn't matter and more concerned with honoring our spouse. I'm so happy.
Back in March, I received an email from a gentleman reaching out for help. At the time I remember feeling a ton of emotion and empathy as I read his plea for compassion and a desire to NOT FEEL ALONE! I replied back-to him that I didn't know if it would take 6 days or 6 months for me to respond but I promised to get back with him. Well, it took the better part of 6 months but I have not forgotten him.